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Some of the most tactful people on Earth are English...
Some of the most tactful people on Earth are English. One office supervisor called a secretary in to give her the bad news that she was being fired. He started the conversation with: "Miss Symthe, I really don't know how we're going to get along without you, but starting Monday, we're going to try.
Selling the Green Suit...
A man who isn't qualified keeps pestering this tailor about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the owner tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job.
Another employee points out to owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it.
The owner replies, "Yah, I know. That's my way of getting rid of that pest!"
Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment.
The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it. Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched, and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling.
"Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit.
But tell me, what in the world happened to you?"
"Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it... said it fit him great.
As far as my injuries go, he had this really sensitive seeing-eye dog!"
Another employee points out to owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it.
The owner replies, "Yah, I know. That's my way of getting rid of that pest!"
Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment.
The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it. Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched, and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling.
"Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit.
But tell me, what in the world happened to you?"
"Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it... said it fit him great.
As far as my injuries go, he had this really sensitive seeing-eye dog!"
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patients.
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patients.
Traffic Court
A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return the next day.
'What for?' he snapped at the judge.
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared, 'Twenty dollars contempt of court. That's why!'
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. 'That's all right. You don't have to pay now.'
The young man replied, 'I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words.'
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return the next day.
'What for?' he snapped at the judge.
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared, 'Twenty dollars contempt of court. That's why!'
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. 'That's all right. You don't have to pay now.'
The young man replied, 'I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words.'
God Meets Bureaucracy
God Meets BureaucracyIn the beginning God Created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was facedwith a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impactstatement. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but wasstymied with the Cease and Desist order for the earthly part. Appearing atthe hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the firstplace. He replied that he just liked to be creative.Then God said, "Let there be light." Officials immediately demanded toknow how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What aboutthermal pollution? God explained that the light would come from a huge ballof fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light, assumingthat no smoke would result from the ball of fire, that he would obtain abuilding permit, and (to conserve energy) would have the light out half thetime. God agreed and said he would call the light "Day" and the darkness"Night." Officials replied that they were not interested in semantics.God said, "Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as manyseed."The EPA agreed so long as native seed was used. Then God said, "Let watersbring forth creeping creatures having life; and the fowl that may fly overthe earth." Officials pointed out this would require approval from theDepartment of Game coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife Federation andthe Audubongelic Society.Everything was OK until God said he wanted to complete the project in sixdays. Officials informed him it would take at least 200 days to review theapplication and the environmental impact statement. After that there would be a public hearing. Then there would be 10-12 months before...At this point God created Hell.
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