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Reasons to leave work
|1. Not spending enough quality time with the kitchen applicances.
2. Came dressed in only a towel...again.
3. Ran out of paper clips.
4. I've decided to telecommute.
5. Ambassador to Belgium is at the White House.
6. It's a long drive home to Texas.
7. One-day sale at Macy's.
8. My brain is melting!
9. I think they found me out...
10. Accidently erased the whole week's work off the computer disk.
2. Came dressed in only a towel...again.
3. Ran out of paper clips.
4. I've decided to telecommute.
5. Ambassador to Belgium is at the White House.
6. It's a long drive home to Texas.
7. One-day sale at Macy's.
8. My brain is melting!
9. I think they found me out...
10. Accidently erased the whole week's work off the computer disk.
Hang in there: Retirement is only 30 years away!
Hang in there: Retirement is only 30 years away!
Resumania II
"I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms."
"Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
"Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
"Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
"Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
"Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
"It's best for employers that I not work with people."
"Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
"Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
"I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
"I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
"Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
"Marital status: often. Children: various."
"The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
"Finished eighth in my class of ten."
"References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."
"Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
"Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
"Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
"Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
"Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
"It's best for employers that I not work with people."
"Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
"Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
"I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
"I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
"Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
"Marital status: often. Children: various."
"The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
"Finished eighth in my class of ten."
"References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."
The Efficiency Expert
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of
caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked
somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert
explained. "She made a lot of trips between the refrigerator, stove,
table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day
I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"
"Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to
take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked
somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert
explained. "She made a lot of trips between the refrigerator, stove,
table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day
I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"
"Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to
take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.
Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.
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