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Pride, commitment, teamwork--words we use to get you to work for free.
Pride, commitment, teamwork--words we use to get you to work for free.
George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard VI
Appear to Work Late. Always leave the office late,especially when the boss is still around. You could readmagazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read buthave no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walkpast the boss' room on your way out. Send important emailsat unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc...) and duringpublic holidays.
Interpret Your Evaluation Comments
AVERAGE:
Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED:
Has committed no major blunders to date.
ACTIVE SOCIALLY:
Drinks heavily.
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE:
Opinionated.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH:
Still one step ahead of the law.
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL:
Will stick with us until retirement.
QUICK THINKING:
Offers plausible excuses for errors.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK:
Conceited.
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS:
Buys drinks for superiors.
INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION:
Knows more than superiors.
STERN DISCIPLINARIAN:
Asshole.
TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS:
Knows when to keep mouth shut.
APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC:
Finds someone else to do the job.
A KEEN ANALYST:
Thoroughly confused.
NOT A DESK PERSON:
Did not go to college.
EXPRESSES SELF WELL:
Can string two sentences together.
SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB:
Miserable home life.
CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL:
Scared.
METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL:
A nitpicker.
DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP:
Has a loud voice.
JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND:
Lucky.
MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE:
A snob.
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR:
Knows lots of dirty jokes.
STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES:
Stubborn.
GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE:
A coward.
SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE:
Stupid.
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION:
Turns in work on time.
IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL:
Wanted by no-one else.
ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS:
An office gossip.
REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT:
Lazy and hard-headed.
HARD WORKER:
Usually does it the hard way.
ENJOYS JOB:
Needs more to do.
HAPPY:
Paid too much.
WELL ORGANIZED:
Does too much busywork.
COMPETENT:
Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN:
Pain in the ass.
WILL GO FAR:
Relative of management.
SHOULD GO FAR:
Please.
USES TIME EFFECTIVELY:
Clock watcher.
VERY CREATIVE:
Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
USES RESOURCES WELL:
Delegates everything.
DESERVES PROMOTION:
Create new title to make him or her feel appreciated.
Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED:
Has committed no major blunders to date.
ACTIVE SOCIALLY:
Drinks heavily.
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE:
Opinionated.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH:
Still one step ahead of the law.
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL:
Will stick with us until retirement.
QUICK THINKING:
Offers plausible excuses for errors.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK:
Conceited.
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS:
Buys drinks for superiors.
INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION:
Knows more than superiors.
STERN DISCIPLINARIAN:
Asshole.
TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS:
Knows when to keep mouth shut.
APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC:
Finds someone else to do the job.
A KEEN ANALYST:
Thoroughly confused.
NOT A DESK PERSON:
Did not go to college.
EXPRESSES SELF WELL:
Can string two sentences together.
SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB:
Miserable home life.
CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL:
Scared.
METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL:
A nitpicker.
DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP:
Has a loud voice.
JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND:
Lucky.
MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE:
A snob.
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR:
Knows lots of dirty jokes.
STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES:
Stubborn.
GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE:
A coward.
SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE:
Stupid.
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION:
Turns in work on time.
IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL:
Wanted by no-one else.
ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS:
An office gossip.
REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT:
Lazy and hard-headed.
HARD WORKER:
Usually does it the hard way.
ENJOYS JOB:
Needs more to do.
HAPPY:
Paid too much.
WELL ORGANIZED:
Does too much busywork.
COMPETENT:
Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN:
Pain in the ass.
WILL GO FAR:
Relative of management.
SHOULD GO FAR:
Please.
USES TIME EFFECTIVELY:
Clock watcher.
VERY CREATIVE:
Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
USES RESOURCES WELL:
Delegates everything.
DESERVES PROMOTION:
Create new title to make him or her feel appreciated.
The results of a government study
|For the past three years, the government has worked hard and spent many tax dollars to find the approval ratings for unemployment.
They have concluded that a 7% unemployment level is acceptable to 93% of the working population.
Now let's just hope that the unemployment rate doesn't change.
They have concluded that a 7% unemployment level is acceptable to 93% of the working population.
Now let's just hope that the unemployment rate doesn't change.
Question and answer
|An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.
Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How has French revolution affected world economic growth?
A: Too early to say.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do economists and computers have in common?
A: You need to punch information into both of them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why does Treasury only have 10 minutes for morning tea?
A: If they had any longer, they would need to re-train all the economists.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Did you hear of the economist who dove into his swimming pool and broke his neck?
A: He forgot to seasonally adjust his pool.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NATURAL RATE OF UNEMPLOYMENT: Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why did the market economist cross the road?
A: To reach the consensus forecast.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does an economist use when calculating constant-dollar estimates?
A: Deflator mouse
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many mainstream economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assume the existence of ladder and one to change the bulb.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many neo-classical economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends on the wage rate.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many B-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'm writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you in about five years.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many investors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None - the market has already discounted the change.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many Keynesian economists does it takes to change a light bulb?
A: All. Because then you will generate employment, more consumption, dislocating the aggregate demand to the right.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None - the bulb contains within it the seeds of its own revolution.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When drawing up the guest list for a dinner party, inviting more than 25% economists ruins the conversation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Economics is the painful elaboration of the obvious.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven plus or minus ten.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Irrelevant - the light bulb's preferences are to be taken as given.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's the difference between an economist and a befuddled old man with Alzheimer's?
A: The economist is the one with the calculator.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's the difference between economists and businessmen?
A: The first don't keep their feet on the ground; the latest use to keep their four feet in the ground
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Given 1000 economists, there will be 10 theoretical economists with different theories on how to change the light bulb and 990 empirical economists laboring to determine which theory is the *correct* one, and everyone will still be in the dark.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why did God create economists?
A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does an economist do?
A: A lot in the short run, which amounts to nothing in the long run.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two economists meet on the street.
One inquires, "How's your wife?"
The other responds, "Relative to what?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To an economist, real life is a special case.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Eight. One to screw it in and seven to hold everything else constant.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Economists have forecasted nine out of the last five recessions.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When an economist says the evidence is "mixed," he or she means that theory says one thing and data says the opposite.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Econometrics is the art of drawing a crooked line from an unproved assumption to a foregone conclusion."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why has astrology been invented?
A: So that economy could be an accurate science.
Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How has French revolution affected world economic growth?
A: Too early to say.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do economists and computers have in common?
A: You need to punch information into both of them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why does Treasury only have 10 minutes for morning tea?
A: If they had any longer, they would need to re-train all the economists.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Did you hear of the economist who dove into his swimming pool and broke his neck?
A: He forgot to seasonally adjust his pool.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NATURAL RATE OF UNEMPLOYMENT: Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why did the market economist cross the road?
A: To reach the consensus forecast.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does an economist use when calculating constant-dollar estimates?
A: Deflator mouse
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many mainstream economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assume the existence of ladder and one to change the bulb.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many neo-classical economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends on the wage rate.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many B-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'm writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you in about five years.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many investors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None - the market has already discounted the change.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many Keynesian economists does it takes to change a light bulb?
A: All. Because then you will generate employment, more consumption, dislocating the aggregate demand to the right.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None - the bulb contains within it the seeds of its own revolution.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When drawing up the guest list for a dinner party, inviting more than 25% economists ruins the conversation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Economics is the painful elaboration of the obvious.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven plus or minus ten.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Irrelevant - the light bulb's preferences are to be taken as given.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's the difference between an economist and a befuddled old man with Alzheimer's?
A: The economist is the one with the calculator.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's the difference between economists and businessmen?
A: The first don't keep their feet on the ground; the latest use to keep their four feet in the ground
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Given 1000 economists, there will be 10 theoretical economists with different theories on how to change the light bulb and 990 empirical economists laboring to determine which theory is the *correct* one, and everyone will still be in the dark.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why did God create economists?
A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does an economist do?
A: A lot in the short run, which amounts to nothing in the long run.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two economists meet on the street.
One inquires, "How's your wife?"
The other responds, "Relative to what?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To an economist, real life is a special case.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Eight. One to screw it in and seven to hold everything else constant.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Economists have forecasted nine out of the last five recessions.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When an economist says the evidence is "mixed," he or she means that theory says one thing and data says the opposite.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Econometrics is the art of drawing a crooked line from an unproved assumption to a foregone conclusion."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why has astrology been invented?
A: So that economy could be an accurate science.
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