Site Stats
Total Members: 35
Total Games: 2746
Total Videos: 145
Total Jokes: 285
Total Quotes: 1
Total Cool Sites: 8
Total Comics: 0
Total Games: 2746
Total Videos: 145
Total Jokes: 285
Total Quotes: 1
Total Cool Sites: 8
Total Comics: 0
Site Navigation
About OfficeHumor
Officehumor.com offers one of the Web's largest collections of funny videos, silly jokes, crazy comics and fun video games to help you break the boredom of your working day.
Our site is open to all ages and no registration is required.
Other Humor Sites:
Little Johnny Crack-up.
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.
She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Bobby?"
"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard.
Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny Billy?"
"Well teacher, I just saw BOTH of your garters."
Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, and tells him - "I don't want to see you for three weeks!"
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
"And where do you think you are going?" she asks.
"Well teach, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"
She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Bobby?"
"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard.
Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny Billy?"
"Well teacher, I just saw BOTH of your garters."
Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, and tells him - "I don't want to see you for three weeks!"
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
"And where do you think you are going?" she asks.
"Well teach, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"
Things you'd really like to say at work!
01. I can see your point, but you're still full of crap.
02. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronouce.
03. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
04. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
05. Ahh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
06. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
07. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
08. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
09. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
10. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
11. This isn't and office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
12. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
13. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
14. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
15. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
And here's a bonus funny from: Siglets.com
Sometimes ... when you cry ... no one sees your tears ...
Sometimes...when you are worried....no one sees your pain...
Sometimes ... when you are happy ... no one sees your smile ...
But fart just one time...
02. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronouce.
03. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
04. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
05. Ahh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
06. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
07. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
08. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
09. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
10. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
11. This isn't and office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
12. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
13. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
14. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
15. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
And here's a bonus funny from: Siglets.com
Sometimes ... when you cry ... no one sees your tears ...
Sometimes...when you are worried....no one sees your pain...
Sometimes ... when you are happy ... no one sees your smile ...
But fart just one time...
The SUPER Salesman...
A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.
"Sorry, we don't need anyone..." they replied.
"You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything anytime!"
"Well, we have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, then you have a job."
He was gone about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000 and another for $50,000.
"How in the world did you do that?" they asked.
"I told you I'm the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone anything, anytime!"
"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000 the company requires a urine sample. Now take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."
He was gone about 8 hours and the office was about to close, when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine and sets them on the desk and says, "Here's Mr. Jone's and this one is Mrs. Johnson's."
"That's good," they said, "but what's in those two buckets?"
"Well, I passed by the school house and they were having a state teachers convention -
so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"
"Sorry, we don't need anyone..." they replied.
"You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything anytime!"
"Well, we have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, then you have a job."
He was gone about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000 and another for $50,000.
"How in the world did you do that?" they asked.
"I told you I'm the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone anything, anytime!"
"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000 the company requires a urine sample. Now take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."
He was gone about 8 hours and the office was about to close, when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine and sets them on the desk and says, "Here's Mr. Jone's and this one is Mrs. Johnson's."
"That's good," they said, "but what's in those two buckets?"
"Well, I passed by the school house and they were having a state teachers convention -
so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"
Evaluation comments
|Dictionary of Evaluation Comments
Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.
AVERAGE: Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date.
ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily.
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law.
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement.
QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited.
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPERTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors.
INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors.
STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk.
TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut.
APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job.
A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.
NOT A DESK PERSON: Did not go to college.
EXPRESSES SELF WELL: Can string two sentences together.
SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: Miserable home life.
CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL: Scared.
METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL: A nitpicker.
DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP: Has a loud voice.
JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND: Lucky.
MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE: A snob.
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows lots of dirty jokes.
STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES: Stubborn.
GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE: A coward.
SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE: Stupid.
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION: Turns in work on time.
IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL: Wanted by no-one else.
ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS: An office gossip.
REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT: Lazy and hard-headed.
HARD WORKER: Usually does it the hard way.
ENJOYS JOB: Needs more to do.
HAPPY: Paid too much.
WELL ORGANIZED: Does too much busywork.
COMPETENT: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN: Annoying.
WILL GO FAR: Relative of management.
SHOULD GO FAR: Please.
USES TIME EFFECTIVELY: Clock watcher.
VERY CREATIVE: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
USES RESOURSES WELL: Delegates everything.
DESERVES PROMOTION: Create new title to make h/h feel appreciated.
Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.
AVERAGE: Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date.
ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily.
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law.
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement.
QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited.
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPERTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors.
INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors.
STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk.
TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut.
APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job.
A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.
NOT A DESK PERSON: Did not go to college.
EXPRESSES SELF WELL: Can string two sentences together.
SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: Miserable home life.
CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL: Scared.
METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL: A nitpicker.
DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP: Has a loud voice.
JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND: Lucky.
MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE: A snob.
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows lots of dirty jokes.
STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES: Stubborn.
GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE: A coward.
SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE: Stupid.
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION: Turns in work on time.
IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL: Wanted by no-one else.
ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS: An office gossip.
REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT: Lazy and hard-headed.
HARD WORKER: Usually does it the hard way.
ENJOYS JOB: Needs more to do.
HAPPY: Paid too much.
WELL ORGANIZED: Does too much busywork.
COMPETENT: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN: Annoying.
WILL GO FAR: Relative of management.
SHOULD GO FAR: Please.
USES TIME EFFECTIVELY: Clock watcher.
VERY CREATIVE: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
USES RESOURSES WELL: Delegates everything.
DESERVES PROMOTION: Create new title to make h/h feel appreciated.
'Twas The Night Before IPO
'Twas the day before the IPO, when all through the net,
Not an executive was flying, not even Ellison's jet.
The documents were filed with the SEC with care,
In hopes that the IPO soon would be there.
Techies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of liquidity danced in their dreams.
The CEO with a reporter and PR at his side,
The press tour just concluded a cross-country ride.
When out on the web there arose such a clatter,
I surfed to the stock ticker to see what was the matter.
To eTrade, my Mac flew like a flash,
The market made a slight correction, it started to crash!!
I gasped at the thought and started to grouse,
"Must I sell my SUV, what about the house?"
When what to my wondering eyes would appear,
An email from the CEO that was quite clear.
I knew in a moment what he had to say,
It had to do with the crash that happened that day.
More rapid then VC money and Napster fame,
Another Dotcom Bomb and he called them by name;
"Now Pets! Now Petopia! It was plain to see,
Garden and Eve!" Oh God, why is this happening to me?
"We spent and we spent, with no revenue in site!
Be 'sticky', capture eyeballs, VC's shouted all night."
"As fast as we filed, the IPO was pulled,"
On CNBC our story will be told.
B2C, B2B, P2P changed with a flicker,
No company was spared on the stock ticker.
And then, in a twinkle, we were off raising a round.
Searching and searching, no money to be found.
Don't count on series E, no money, no loan,
The end was quite near, we started to moan.
No more launch parties, and Super Bowl ads,
Pink slips and revenue became the fads.
The dot com frenzy - how it glimmered! The days were so merry!
The stock options how rosy, the payoff so cherry!
From Yahoo! to Amazon, they started it all,
Who would think, "The stock market, fall?"
We were chubby and plump, a right jolly ole folk,
We laughed when we heard, 'Our start-up going broke?'
A wink of the eye and a twist of fate,
We realized our start-up entered the market too late.
We spoke not a word, but overcome with grief,
As we watched the market close in disbelief.
The CEO sprang to his team, and gave a whistle,
Away we were, laid-off like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, as we drove off that night,
'www.FailedDotcoms.com will be our next site!'
Not an executive was flying, not even Ellison's jet.
The documents were filed with the SEC with care,
In hopes that the IPO soon would be there.
Techies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of liquidity danced in their dreams.
The CEO with a reporter and PR at his side,
The press tour just concluded a cross-country ride.
When out on the web there arose such a clatter,
I surfed to the stock ticker to see what was the matter.
To eTrade, my Mac flew like a flash,
The market made a slight correction, it started to crash!!
I gasped at the thought and started to grouse,
"Must I sell my SUV, what about the house?"
When what to my wondering eyes would appear,
An email from the CEO that was quite clear.
I knew in a moment what he had to say,
It had to do with the crash that happened that day.
More rapid then VC money and Napster fame,
Another Dotcom Bomb and he called them by name;
"Now Pets! Now Petopia! It was plain to see,
Garden and Eve!" Oh God, why is this happening to me?
"We spent and we spent, with no revenue in site!
Be 'sticky', capture eyeballs, VC's shouted all night."
"As fast as we filed, the IPO was pulled,"
On CNBC our story will be told.
B2C, B2B, P2P changed with a flicker,
No company was spared on the stock ticker.
And then, in a twinkle, we were off raising a round.
Searching and searching, no money to be found.
Don't count on series E, no money, no loan,
The end was quite near, we started to moan.
No more launch parties, and Super Bowl ads,
Pink slips and revenue became the fads.
The dot com frenzy - how it glimmered! The days were so merry!
The stock options how rosy, the payoff so cherry!
From Yahoo! to Amazon, they started it all,
Who would think, "The stock market, fall?"
We were chubby and plump, a right jolly ole folk,
We laughed when we heard, 'Our start-up going broke?'
A wink of the eye and a twist of fate,
We realized our start-up entered the market too late.
We spoke not a word, but overcome with grief,
As we watched the market close in disbelief.
The CEO sprang to his team, and gave a whistle,
Away we were, laid-off like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, as we drove off that night,
'www.FailedDotcoms.com will be our next site!'
Media Details
Tags: joke
Submitted by Admin
221 views
Rate this joke: Sucks 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 Kicks Ass
Share this
Login/Register to add this joke to your favorites
Bookmark and share this joke:
Use the code below to embed this joke into your webpage, MySpace profile and so on:
Use the code below to link to this joke in your forum posts using BBCode
Bookmark and share this joke:
Use the code below to embed this joke into your webpage, MySpace profile and so on:
Use the code below to link to this joke in your forum posts using BBCode
Tell a friend
Comments
No comments for this media. Be the first one to leave a comment.
Post a comment
Login/Register in order to be able to comment on this media.