Site Stats
Total Members: 35
Total Games: 2746
Total Videos: 145
Total Jokes: 285
Total Quotes: 1
Total Cool Sites: 8
Total Comics: 0
Total Games: 2746
Total Videos: 145
Total Jokes: 285
Total Quotes: 1
Total Cool Sites: 8
Total Comics: 0
Site Navigation
About OfficeHumor
Officehumor.com offers one of the Web's largest collections of funny videos, silly jokes, crazy comics and fun video games to help you break the boredom of your working day.
Our site is open to all ages and no registration is required.
Other Humor Sites:
Brave Old Firemen
One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire Departments from miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!" As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on the blaze. After two more hours of attacking the fire, president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the company's secret files.
From the distance a long siren was heard and another fire truck came into sight. It was a local volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over 65. To everyone's amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. In the distance the other firemen watched as the old timers hopped off of their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before. After an hour of intense fighting the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. Joyous the chemical company president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers.
After thanking each of the old men individually the president asked the group what they intended to do with the money. The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said - "The first thing we're going to do is fix the blasted brakes on that truck!"
From the distance a long siren was heard and another fire truck came into sight. It was a local volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over 65. To everyone's amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. In the distance the other firemen watched as the old timers hopped off of their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before. After an hour of intense fighting the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. Joyous the chemical company president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers.
After thanking each of the old men individually the president asked the group what they intended to do with the money. The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said - "The first thing we're going to do is fix the blasted brakes on that truck!"
Identifying wasted time
|TO: ALL PERSONNEL
FROM: ACCOUNTING
It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time.
Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities.
The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.
Thank you,
Accounting
Attached: Extended Job-Code List
Code and Explanation
5316 Useless Meeting
5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
5319 Waiting for Break
5320 Waiting for Lunch
5321 Waiting for End of Day
5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not Present
5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning
5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You
5481 Buying Snack
5482 Eating Snack
5500 Filling Out Timesheet
5501 Inventing Timesheet Entries
5502 Waiting for Something to Happen
5503 Scratching Yourself
5504 Sleeping
5510 Feeling Bored
5511 Feeling Horny
5600 Complaining About Lousy Job
5601 Complaining About Low Pay
5602 Complaining About Long Hours
5603 Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)
5604 Complaining About Boss
5605 Complaining About Personal Problems
5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining
5701 Not Actually Present At Job
5702 Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu
6102 Ordering Out
6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
6104 Taking It Easy While Digesting Food
6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
6201 Stealing Company Goods
6202 Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods
6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls
6204 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods
6205 Hiding from Boss
6206 Gossip
6207 Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)
6210 Feeling Sorry For Yourself
6211 Updating Resume
6212 Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter
6213 Out of Office on Interview
6221 Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching
6222 Pretending to Enjoy Your Job
6223 Pretending You Like Coworker
6224 Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks
6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
6350 Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl
6601 Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)
6602 Complaining
6603 Writing a Book on Company Time
6611 Staring Into Space
6612 Staring At Computer Screen
6615 Transcendental Meditation
7281 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)
7400 Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone
7401 Talking With Plumber on Phone
7402 Talking With Dentist on Phone
7403 Talking With Doctor on Phone
7404 Talking With Masseuse on Phone
7405 Talking With House Painter on Phone
7406 Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone
7419 Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone
7425 Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone
7931 Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity
8000 Recreational Drug Use
8001 Non-recreational Drug Use
8002 Liquid Lunch
8100 Reading e-mail
FROM: ACCOUNTING
It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time.
Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities.
The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.
Thank you,
Accounting
Attached: Extended Job-Code List
Code and Explanation
5316 Useless Meeting
5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
5319 Waiting for Break
5320 Waiting for Lunch
5321 Waiting for End of Day
5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not Present
5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning
5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You
5481 Buying Snack
5482 Eating Snack
5500 Filling Out Timesheet
5501 Inventing Timesheet Entries
5502 Waiting for Something to Happen
5503 Scratching Yourself
5504 Sleeping
5510 Feeling Bored
5511 Feeling Horny
5600 Complaining About Lousy Job
5601 Complaining About Low Pay
5602 Complaining About Long Hours
5603 Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)
5604 Complaining About Boss
5605 Complaining About Personal Problems
5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining
5701 Not Actually Present At Job
5702 Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu
6102 Ordering Out
6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
6104 Taking It Easy While Digesting Food
6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
6201 Stealing Company Goods
6202 Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods
6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls
6204 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods
6205 Hiding from Boss
6206 Gossip
6207 Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)
6210 Feeling Sorry For Yourself
6211 Updating Resume
6212 Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter
6213 Out of Office on Interview
6221 Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching
6222 Pretending to Enjoy Your Job
6223 Pretending You Like Coworker
6224 Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks
6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
6350 Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl
6601 Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)
6602 Complaining
6603 Writing a Book on Company Time
6611 Staring Into Space
6612 Staring At Computer Screen
6615 Transcendental Meditation
7281 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)
7400 Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone
7401 Talking With Plumber on Phone
7402 Talking With Dentist on Phone
7403 Talking With Doctor on Phone
7404 Talking With Masseuse on Phone
7405 Talking With House Painter on Phone
7406 Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone
7419 Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone
7425 Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone
7931 Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity
8000 Recreational Drug Use
8001 Non-recreational Drug Use
8002 Liquid Lunch
8100 Reading e-mail
Why We're So Tired
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the Federal Government. That leaves 19 million to do the work.
Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.
Take from that the 14,800,000 who work for State and Local Governments and we are left with 200,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 ill and in hospitals, so we now have 12,000 to do the work.
Now there are 11,998 people in prisons so there are just two people left to do the work, you and me.
AND YOU ARE SITTING THERE MESSING AROUND WITH YOUR E-MAIL!
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the Federal Government. That leaves 19 million to do the work.
Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.
Take from that the 14,800,000 who work for State and Local Governments and we are left with 200,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 ill and in hospitals, so we now have 12,000 to do the work.
Now there are 11,998 people in prisons so there are just two people left to do the work, you and me.
AND YOU ARE SITTING THERE MESSING AROUND WITH YOUR E-MAIL!
Funny Signs
1. IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove
all your clothes when the light goes out.
2. IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs
3. IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder
yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken.
4. IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break, staff should empty
the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
5. ON A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by
this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft.
Please use side entrance)
6. OUTSIDE A SECOND-HAND SHOP: We exchange anything - bicycles,
washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a
wonderful bargain.
7. QUICKSAND WARNING: Quicksand. Any person passing this point
will be drowned. By order of the District Council.
8. NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their
garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
9. IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness.
10. SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car
11. SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE: For anyone who has children and
doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.
12. NOTICE IN A FIELD: The farmer allows walkers to cross the
field for free, but the bull charges.
13. MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET: If you cannot read, this leaflet will
tell you how to get lessons.
14. ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please knock
hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)
15. SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK: Toilet out of
order. Please use floor below.
all your clothes when the light goes out.
2. IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs
3. IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder
yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken.
4. IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break, staff should empty
the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
5. ON A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by
this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft.
Please use side entrance)
6. OUTSIDE A SECOND-HAND SHOP: We exchange anything - bicycles,
washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a
wonderful bargain.
7. QUICKSAND WARNING: Quicksand. Any person passing this point
will be drowned. By order of the District Council.
8. NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their
garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
9. IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness.
10. SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car
11. SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE: For anyone who has children and
doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.
12. NOTICE IN A FIELD: The farmer allows walkers to cross the
field for free, but the bull charges.
13. MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET: If you cannot read, this leaflet will
tell you how to get lessons.
14. ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please knock
hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)
15. SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK: Toilet out of
order. Please use floor below.
How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?A: We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burnout, and figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make thebulbs work smarter, not harder.
Media Details
Tags: joke
Submitted by Admin
85 views
Rate this joke: Sucks 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 Kicks Ass
Share this
Login/Register to add this joke to your favorites
Bookmark and share this joke:
Use the code below to embed this joke into your webpage, MySpace profile and so on:
Use the code below to link to this joke in your forum posts using BBCode
Bookmark and share this joke:
Use the code below to embed this joke into your webpage, MySpace profile and so on:
Use the code below to link to this joke in your forum posts using BBCode
Tell a friend
Comments
No comments for this media. Be the first one to leave a comment.
Post a comment
Login/Register in order to be able to comment on this media.